Mario's Horrible Vacation
by N64 Man
Summary: Mario sets out on vacation. What will he find? Gnomes? The land of milk and honey? Evil woodpeckers?Find out. Posted under bunk title, but then I re-did it.


"Mario's Horrible Vacation Part1"  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters except the barbarion pirate gnomes,and my sister owns spider clowns.  
  
One day Mario was trying to fix a backed up toilet. Sharp pains ran up and down his back and he attacked the clog head on with his multi-purpose Majik Plunger of Doom.   
  
"Stupid toilet. I hope you die a horrible death," Mario whispered venomously, wiping the sweat off his face with a gloved hand.   
  
"Mario, toilets can't die...Or can they?" said Toad, now becoming confused. The paradox was too much for his oversized brain to handle, so he went back to thinking about puppies. Puppies in trousers. Puppies in corduroy trousers... fashionable, corduroy trousers. This again proved too big a thought for his brain, and he thought of nothing at all.  
  
"ALMOST GOT IT!!" yelled the plumber. The sound floated from the bathroom and across the kitchen of the house that he and his posse shared.  
  
There was a loud pop. Something green came flying out of the toilet crashing into a very expensive and hard to get plumbing award.  
  
"Noooooooo!!" cried Mario, clutching his hair and ripping chunks out. "It took me 4 years of hairballs, grease, grumpy customers, spider-clowns, and getting struck by lightning to get that award!"  
  
"Mario, you never got struck by lightning," said Peach.  
  
"Well, um um... the spider clowns said the were going to hurt me with lightning. It made me nervous. Nervous and sad. Like when you question my authority!"  
  
"Mm melony goodness in every melon. Mmm melllonnns!" drooled Yoshie, apparently oblivous to what was going on. Rivers of spit dribbled down his chin and onto the shiny, prestigous award. They lingered with the busted melon and stained the carpet.  
  
"YOSHI!! How many times must I tell you not to keep fruit in the toilet?" scolded Mario, wagging a finger at the green idiot.  
  
"But the fridge is filled up, the sinks and bathtub drains are too small, and Sumo restler's tavern, cavern, and cave is all filled up.The toilet was *way* better then the spider-clown shelter you built."  
In the corner was a cardboard box with pillows and idione tapped to it.  
  
"You dissin' my spider-clown shelter?" asked Mario with murderous rage.   
  
"I understand the pillows but what's the iodine for?" asked Peach, poking at it with a stick.  
  
"It's a well known fact thet spider-clowns hate iodine and mouth wash." Mario said confidently."If they want the pillows, they must brave the iodine. And they're miserable, even with the pillows. And that makes me happy." Mario turned to a smiling Yoshi. "Yoshi has no sugar for a week. Take that Mr. Hyperactive Dwarf."  
  
Mario marched to the pantry, taking all the sugar in the house and dumping it the metal trash bin.   
"Stupid Yoshi thinks he can store fruit in my toilet and get away with it, and kill my things and wear my pants... not so! I'll show him, I'll show him good..."   
  
The sugar gave a satisfactory swoosh as it fell into the trash heap.  
  
"Ooh! Trash sugar!" cried Luigi, back from his morning romp. He dove head first into to the bin, taking notice of how even old tin cans taste good when sprinkled generously with sugar.   
  
"Mario, I think the spider-clowns aren't afraid of iodine," whispered Toad. His eyes widened with fear at the approaching spider-clowns.  
  
"Why is that, dwarf?" spat Mario.  
  
"I'm not a dwarf! Mr. Dwarfy McDwarf over there is a dwarf!" he said, gesturing to Yoshi. Toad suddenly noticed that spider-clowns were advancing quickly up his body.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM MY PANTS YOU STUPID SPIDER CLOWN!" Mario took out a spiked plunger and began bashing things at random.  
  
"Mario...You need a vacation," Peach bit her lip, patting his shoulder with great concern.  
  
He sighed and sank down into their beanbag. The old apartment didn't have a whole lot of furniture, save a couple of beanbags, a mattress, and a lava lamp. "You're right. But where should we go?"  
  
Toad jumped up. "Idaho!! They have enough potatos to feed me for seven minutes."  
  
"Did you get hooked on patatos or something?" asked Mario.  
  
"We should go to Californa. We could swim, build sand castles, tan, and shop! Let's shop all day! SHOP SHOP SHOP! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!" said Peach, although she failed to convince anyone.  
  
"I here that there is a thing called Vitual Travel Agent. He supposably helps a lot with vacation planning," said Mario pointedly.  
  
"Wow! We gotta buy a computer!" yelled Luigi. Everyone stared at Luigi and pointed to the computer in the next room.  
  
"When did we get a computer?"  
______________________________________________________________  
5 minutes later...  
  
Mario popped the Virtual Travel Agent disk into the souped up Toaster when A SCARY GNOME POPPED UP ON THE SCREEN!!!  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Monkeys!" Mario recoiled from the shock.  
  
"Virtual Travel Agent," said the gnome, in a surprisingly pleasant voice."From the makers of Hobo Quest and Sim Sandwich. Don't forget... I know were you live!" said the crazed gnome.  
  
"Luigi, get me my gnome wacker."Mario trembled.  
  
"Hello I am Virtual Travel agent. Type how much money you have to spend and the nature of the problem."  
  
"Excuse me?"Mario said in a surprised voice.  
  
"I recognize you. Did you blow up my hidey-hole?" inquired the travel agent.  
  
"Oh,you must have a virtual home,." said Mario sarcasticly.  
  
"You're goin' down man!" yelled the irate and poorly designed travel agent.  
  
"Aah!" Mario threw the contraption out the window, toast and all.   
  
Luigi, who was coming back from his second afternoon romp, did not notice the so-called "computer" until it was too late.  
  
"HOLY SH..." Luigi was cut off by a toaster flying through the air faster than any toaster should ever go. The impact was cuisioned by Luigi's face.  
  
"I guess I'm gonna have to find a new travel agent, " said Mario.  
___________________________________________  
  
The next morning at breakfast Mario stood up.  
  
"Excuse me, I have an announcement." No one listened to Mario. They were too busy munching on their bowls of Mushroom Crisp Bran Cereal. (Except for Luigi, who had put some drugs in his cereal and was in a magical dream world).  
  
"Spider clowns in the milk!" yelled Mario. Everyone threw their milk, bowl, and milk drenched mushroom bits in the spider clown extracter. (Which looked suspiciously like a humidifier painted red with little balloons tied on).  
  
"Anyway... For a vacation we shall go to the gnome capital of the world... AKA Chicago." Mario said with a sparkle in his eye.  
  
"NOOOO!" everyone cried in disbelief. (Save Luigi, who was still in his magical drug world.)  
  
El Fine... or is it?  
  
Part 2 will be comin' out shortly I just have to work on it a little bit more.  
  
Note:What I have just said will eventually be out of date. In the mean time, review. 


End file.
